Friday 25 September 2009

And in the left corner we have the working mum... and in the right corner the stay at home mum. Let the fight begin!

I don’t know about you but I get a bit bored of the ‘Stay At Home Mum’ (SAHM) vs Working Mum (WM) debate.

I see so many articles written about which is harder, which is better, which we should choose, and I always read the mums comments with interest but slight surprise that anyone feels the need to take sides on this one.

I’ve done pretty much every combination of the mum and work thing over the years – working, not working, childminders, day nurseries and self employed work at home mum (WAHM).

I guess that’s why I find it futile to take sides on the ever popular debate. Because each of them have their pressures, stresses, loves and hates in different ways and in different combinations.

Over the last couple of weeks I started to ponder my ‘balance’; my business is growing and demanding more time and No. 2 has gone off to school so I’m revisiting my working hours and childcare situation once again. So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want, what is my ideal and how near I can get to that.

Some mums work for financial reasons, some because they need their work/business as it’s a vital part of who they are, and some (dare I say it?!) enjoy the time away from their children as much as they enjoy their time with them. I think to be honest I am bit of all of those.

Whatever your reasons for the combination you choose I thought it might be useful to look at the really important angles of being SAHM vs WAHM vs WM...

Tea
SAHM - As many cups of tea as you like, as long as you only want to drink luke warm, half cups.
WAHM - Tea glorious tea (and perhaps a bit of cake!) Not great for the waistline and you have to make it yourself.
WM - Depends who your working with or for, but a few cups of tea a day and if you play your cards right you get someone else to make it for you AND you get to drink it hot!

Bodily Fluids
SAHM - Generally covered in poo, snot and sick. But when the going gets tough you can put on a movie and all just snuggle up on the sofa!
WAHM - A danger of the poo, snot, sick and the laptop colliding! Yuk.
WM - Someone else has to deal with most of the snot and poo... but sick is where the real challenge begins.

Guilt
SAHM - Feel guilty about not contributing to the household income, but feel like an economic master when you manage to feed the whole family for £4.23
WAHM - Feel guilty about looking at the laptop when you should be giving your children 100% but feel privileged to be able to shut the laptop lid and go and play Buckaroo!
WM - Feel guilty about putting your children into day nursery but feel so proud when they come home with a great painting which if undertaken at home would have resulted in complete redecoration of the house!

Entertainment
SAHM - Can sing any Cbeebies theme tune at the drop of a hat – probably to the point where you sing it aloud in public without really noticing!
WAHM - You’re a dab hand at finding new and exciting things to entertain your children to give you that time to send that one important email!
WM - Interruptions from work colleagues can be handled much more effectively than from children. If you tell them to go away and come back later, they will!

School meetings
SAHM - You go to school meetings simply to talk to another adult human and not necessarily anything to do with your child's education!
WAHM - Go to school meetings because you can, but then spend most of the time trying to stop your mobile making a noise!
WM - Can't make most school meetings, but tend to find out afterwards that really they can mostly be summarised in about 2 sentences!

Now, before people think I’ve lost the plot and I’m trivialising what we do, or making light of it – I’m not. Being a mum whether you’re working or not, or somewhere in between is a really tough job for all sorts of different reasons.

I am just a firm believer in everybody finding what is right for them, and the sooner we all just accept that what is best for each individual family is the best solution to work / life balance then the happier I will be.

Now all I need to work out for me is which bits of current motherhood role I want to outsource to someone else, and which I want to keep.... hang on, I'm just reaching for a cleaner's phone number! :-)

1 comment:

  1. to a large extent the labels are non-controversial controversies, but i guess they serve the purpose of keeping us all chatting! we have a lifestyle that we've made for ourselves because it suits us and we're happy with it ... the only people who really seriously attempt to undermine it are not other parents/families; the real wounds are inflicted on our choices by people in power.

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