Friday 25 September 2009

And in the left corner we have the working mum... and in the right corner the stay at home mum. Let the fight begin!

I don’t know about you but I get a bit bored of the ‘Stay At Home Mum’ (SAHM) vs Working Mum (WM) debate.

I see so many articles written about which is harder, which is better, which we should choose, and I always read the mums comments with interest but slight surprise that anyone feels the need to take sides on this one.

I’ve done pretty much every combination of the mum and work thing over the years – working, not working, childminders, day nurseries and self employed work at home mum (WAHM).

I guess that’s why I find it futile to take sides on the ever popular debate. Because each of them have their pressures, stresses, loves and hates in different ways and in different combinations.

Over the last couple of weeks I started to ponder my ‘balance’; my business is growing and demanding more time and No. 2 has gone off to school so I’m revisiting my working hours and childcare situation once again. So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want, what is my ideal and how near I can get to that.

Some mums work for financial reasons, some because they need their work/business as it’s a vital part of who they are, and some (dare I say it?!) enjoy the time away from their children as much as they enjoy their time with them. I think to be honest I am bit of all of those.

Whatever your reasons for the combination you choose I thought it might be useful to look at the really important angles of being SAHM vs WAHM vs WM...

Tea
SAHM - As many cups of tea as you like, as long as you only want to drink luke warm, half cups.
WAHM - Tea glorious tea (and perhaps a bit of cake!) Not great for the waistline and you have to make it yourself.
WM - Depends who your working with or for, but a few cups of tea a day and if you play your cards right you get someone else to make it for you AND you get to drink it hot!

Bodily Fluids
SAHM - Generally covered in poo, snot and sick. But when the going gets tough you can put on a movie and all just snuggle up on the sofa!
WAHM - A danger of the poo, snot, sick and the laptop colliding! Yuk.
WM - Someone else has to deal with most of the snot and poo... but sick is where the real challenge begins.

Guilt
SAHM - Feel guilty about not contributing to the household income, but feel like an economic master when you manage to feed the whole family for £4.23
WAHM - Feel guilty about looking at the laptop when you should be giving your children 100% but feel privileged to be able to shut the laptop lid and go and play Buckaroo!
WM - Feel guilty about putting your children into day nursery but feel so proud when they come home with a great painting which if undertaken at home would have resulted in complete redecoration of the house!

Entertainment
SAHM - Can sing any Cbeebies theme tune at the drop of a hat – probably to the point where you sing it aloud in public without really noticing!
WAHM - You’re a dab hand at finding new and exciting things to entertain your children to give you that time to send that one important email!
WM - Interruptions from work colleagues can be handled much more effectively than from children. If you tell them to go away and come back later, they will!

School meetings
SAHM - You go to school meetings simply to talk to another adult human and not necessarily anything to do with your child's education!
WAHM - Go to school meetings because you can, but then spend most of the time trying to stop your mobile making a noise!
WM - Can't make most school meetings, but tend to find out afterwards that really they can mostly be summarised in about 2 sentences!

Now, before people think I’ve lost the plot and I’m trivialising what we do, or making light of it – I’m not. Being a mum whether you’re working or not, or somewhere in between is a really tough job for all sorts of different reasons.

I am just a firm believer in everybody finding what is right for them, and the sooner we all just accept that what is best for each individual family is the best solution to work / life balance then the happier I will be.

Now all I need to work out for me is which bits of current motherhood role I want to outsource to someone else, and which I want to keep.... hang on, I'm just reaching for a cleaner's phone number! :-)

Friday 4 September 2009

...And for lunch I will be having a nice big bowl of my own words!

Well it was in black and white published print, so I can't exactly deny what I said about our camping trip this summer in my last blog....

“as a grand finale we are feeling brave enough to attempt a four night family camping trip. I might be eating my words, but the site has an indoor swimming pool and there is a load to do in the local area and so even if the weather isn’t kind to us I think it’s going to be great.”

Excuse me while I roll around on my kitchen floor laughing for a few minutes!.... 

Here’s what ACTUALLY happened....

Things started really well, we sat on a beach near Bournemouth on a beautiful Sunday, blazing hot and watched the planes in the Bournemouth air show. Fantastic. I’m not a plane geek or fan in anyway, but even I muttered the word ‘awesome’ at one point!

We set off for the camp site the following morning, and parked at our pitch as the drizzle started coming down. Not to be put off, we got on with it, and as the tent took its form, the drizzle stopped.... 1-0 to us.

So smugly sat in our camping chairs, the kids riding around on their bikes and scooters, with a nice British cup of tea we were not to be beaten.

Now, it might be worth pointing out at this point that the campsite we chose was called ‘highlands end’. Call me naive, but it hadn’t even occurred to me that ‘highland’ was a clue to the fact that it was right on a cliff top; a beautiful cliff top in Dorset with views of the beach and the rolling countryside, but a cliff top nevertheless.

As Monday went on the winds starting getting up a bit and so we had a rather blustery but reasonable successful night where we all managed to get some sleep despite a bit of musical airbeds here and there.

The winds got even more excitable on the Tuesday, at which point my husband grasped the opportunity with both hands (literally) and got his kite out. It was an interesting hour watching him (well more accurately hiding my eyes and peaking through my fingers every now and then) stand a bit too near a cliff top flying this thing that really took on a life of its own. I was very glad that his Dad was stood behind him to anchor him to the ground when necessary. I breathed a big sigh of relief when they decided enough was enough and stopped.

And then on to our second night...

The series of events went like this:
1) All went to bed reasonably normally
2) Me and husband lay in bed awake wondering when the wind was going to blow our tent down, and not being entirely comfortable with the kids being in the own separate bedroom compartments at the other end of the tent (only 10ft away or so, but at this point that was WAY too much, and it’s not often I welcome them near me at night time!!)
3) Repeat 2) for several hours!
4) 2 year old wakes up and cries, and I’ve never jumped out of bed so quick, I think I was in her bed with her between ‘Mu..’ and ‘Mmy’! Phew, now at kids end of tent so feeling more in control!
5) 4 year old wakes up. ‘Mummy I’ve wet the bed’.... bless him, that NEVER EVER happens, he has generally inherited my bladder that can go on forever before needing a wee!
6) 4 year old then takes my place in the master bedroom!
7) I look down and realise that 6yr olds bed is empty and for a few (very long) seconds we don’t know where he is. Rational thought thankfully comes back after those long few seconds and I realise he IS in there, just has turned himself round and is sleeping horizontally across both airbeds at the other end. Phew.
8) Husband decides to reinforce tent pegs (this is now about 3am). I stay inside to protect the children... really nothing to do with me not wanting to go out in the wind and rain, honest!
9) Husband decides to pack up our bags so we are ready to bail at short notice.  
10) Eventually, tent poles start snapping at about 6.30am and we bail out of the tent in to parents-in-laws caravan on the pitch next door!

After searching the local camping shops for replacement tent poles and not being able to find any, we eventually call it a day and head for home taking in a happy meal for tea on the way!

That’ll teach me for being so flaming cheery and optimistic!

But, true to form in finding the up-side I must confess that I was ecstatically happy to be back in my own bed on Wednesday night, and I also remember a camping holiday gone wrong when I was a kid that I just look back on as a great adventure. I have no doubts that we’ve made a similar memory for our kids too. Oh, and I also consoled myself with a great big glass of red wine. Mmmmmm.

Anyone else have any holiday adventures this summer?